Balancing work and family

Being a medical resident isn't easy. Being a medical resident mother isn't easy. Most of the time I miss his firsts. I miss his morning cuddles and kisses, especially since that's when he's in the best mood. I miss his hugs and his play dates. I miss most of his meal times and baths.

Instead I come home as a tired, sleepy momma to a tired, sleepy baby.

If I could quit work for a few years and come back, I would. Unfortunately this is an almost impossible option and it would be much easier on everyone if I tugged along and finished my last almost 1.5 years.

I wish I could have everything and be everything and do everything and life to be exactly the way I want it. But that's not life, that's a dream. A fantasy.

I just hope I can be a good mother and I wish I could have a way of knowing that my Baby bear know that I love him so much and that if I could play with him all day I totally would.

I love you, my Baby.

Working Mommy

Yesterday one of my patient's spoke to me about how she feels that she is a bad mother because she is unable to see her child more than a few hours a day. I feel ya sister.

I feel ya.

If I could, I would quit my job and return to residency once my babies are all grown up. If I did that I also know that my chances of getting back into residency and becoming a full fledged doctor are pretty slim.

So I work.

I enjoy working, but I've got a little man on my mind.

So I tell myself what I tell my patient's mother: He knows who his mamma is. He knows your smell, your voice and your touch. You working is the only life he's ever known since you've been working every since he was a few months old. He doesn't know what he's missing and doesn't feel deprived. He's got loving people taking care of him and is in good hands. You're not working for selfish reasons.

I'm not working for selfish reasons. I just don't have a reasonable option at this point.

Just take advantage of every second you have with him and make it worth it.

It's hard balancing work, family, studying, housework etc. I've got a lot of blessings in my life all at one time, but sometimes all of it at once is also hard to manage.