Sunday, December 28, 2014

Food Fight

My baby is not one who lives to eat. He definitely eats to live.

It's difficult to get him to really enjoy food. He will eat it on good days and on bad days he will throw a fit and refuse to eat at all. On the good days he'll eat but won't be upset if you don't continue to feed him. So it's difficult to figure out if he's eating enough. At least he's growing.

I am one of those parents that thinks it's ridiculous to have to flash an iPhone, phone or TV during meals. But after experiencing so much resistance with my own kid, I can understand why parent's do so. It's quite frustrating to see your child refuse meals time after time.

Unfortunately, I do not care for my child for a huge chunk of the day. I can probably be there for one meal. Two if I am lucky. Other people are not as patient as I am. I do not know how they feed Baby Bear. I know my husband definitely pulls out the phone because he is impatient himself. For other's I pretend it goes my way. I can't get mad at those who volunteer to watch him for free in the comfort of his own home environment.

I've heard of different things to get kids to eat. Give them variety. Don't offer them too much variety. I usually put finger foods or rice or whatever on his plate and then feed him in between him feeding himself. That way he can practice eating but still get enough in before getting tired of trying to feed himself.

He will eat snacks. He loves snacks. Goldfish and veggies crisps, crackers, grapes. I try to limit snacks or not feed him to avoid spilling what little appetite he has. I also do it so that the snacks aren't on his mind before I do feed him.

He's definitely not a foodie like his mom and dad.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Sometimes when I come home from work late and my son is asleep I want to wake him up and annoy him so he knows how it feels. But then I remember a sleeping baby = me time and I make my chai and go online shopping instead.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Uh Oh

Baby bear is starting to throw things in wrong places to see our facial expressions and to hear us say, "Uh oh!"

It started when I'd be feeding him at his high chair and he'd throw down his spoon, plate, food, sippy cup. Basically anything that could be thrown. Then he'd crank his little neck all the way down and exclaim. 

Now he started throwing things in random places, like behind his bookcase. Then he looks at me with a surprised facial expression and says, "Uh!" Today he learned how to say, "oh!" 

That really got him geared up to throw everything he could behind the bookcase so he could say, "uh oh!" He'd also get on his tippy toes to make sure it was back there and out of his reach.

I can't believe his is growing so fast. 

Thursday, December 25, 2014

That Christmas Rush

I just got done from a shift in the Emergency Department.

Oh my goodness gracious.

Everything was quiet. And it seems as though right after everyone's 5 PM holiday dinner people came in drones to be seen. Head injuries, car accidents, fevers, kids throwing up. It was busy. busy is good. busy means time flies by.

But we were short staffed because of the holiday. Which meant that patients required a little extra patience today. Which also means that the people who come in for a family checkup for no apparent reason should've stayed home and let the real emergencies come through. The emergency department is for emergencies. I'm going to see the most emergent case first and go in descending order of importance.

Your kid has a mild fever but is happily playing and eating and jumping all over the exam room? You're going to have to wait  little longer. Some parents treat doctors as if they own them. It's really frustrating. I don't know why people think it's their God given right to treat others who are helping them like garbage. 

Lack of education, manners, common sense and upbringing I suppose.

image taken from google search

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Kitty Cat Pillow Pet

We have a massive cat in our house. She is huge. Her belly rubs up against the floor as she walks. And she loves loves loves affection and attention. Even if a kid pulls on her tail. She'll just start purring and get even more relaxed.

So Baby Bear and kitty cat have become real good chums. I hated it at first because animals ave germs and don't use soap. I still cringe a little inside when he body slams kitty cat. Not because I think he's hurting her. She just rolls over on he back and asks anyone and everyone to rub her belly. But because I don't know where the poop is on her long fur.

Lately he's been lying down on her like she's his pillow pet. I don't know where this kid comes up with these ideas. But he hugs her and put his head down on her belly and smiles. Then he gets bored after 0.2939434 seconds and needs to get up. Only she's so soft. So he puts all his weight on her poor humungous belly and props himself up.

This cat must love him to allow him to do that.

ps - image found from google. Not my kid. 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014


I've been Missing in Action lately due to the fact that Im doing a more demanding rotation this month. Coming home late from work, not getting enough hours in the days or nights to myself or family makes for a crabby me, husband and baby.

Life will get better

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Fat Momma

Thanksgiving came in the way of my working out because we had family stay over. Some stayed in the basement where the treadmill was  and I didn't want to wake them up in the wee hours of the morning or late at night. Needless to say, my running was on hold.

I'm back at it this week. I even bought new workout clothes. I actually bought them to use as lounge wear as I am not really a fan of actual lounge wear. I gave up on the idea that I will have time to work out and work and take care of baby bear.

But then I realized I will never love myself unless I get back into shape. My self esteem relies heavily about how I feel  and look physically. Makeup doesn't make me look skinny. Running does.

So this week I've been getting up at 5:45 to run. Before my husband gets up to go to his work out. so that I am showered and ready by the time he has to leave and before Baby bear wakes up.  So far it's been working well.

The thing with me is I have to do it every day. If I make a commitment to do something every other day, I flake out and say I'll just do two days in a row next time and sleep in today. Then I never get back to it.

So now I committed to daily runs unless I am at work and can't do it or I'm in a place that doesn't have treadmills or I don't have anyone to watch Baby Bear while I run.

Working out in the morning is the best because I am not tired at the end of my long day at work - physically and mentally. Also it's easier to put things off if you don' get to them right away. Trust me. I have a huge list of things I need to get to but have been procrastinating.

In addition to running I do 100 squats every other day. I don't mind them I just find them boring. And for some reason time crawls by as I'm doing them. Next thing I plan to incorporate is the p90x ab riper every other day that I am not doing squats.

That and a healthier diet.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Re-Play Divided Plates

I bought these Re-Play divided plates for baby boo on amazon this past week and have been using them since.

Why I decided on this product: 
I bought them because they were inexpensive, duh. I also liked the Sugar Booger brand but it was 2-3 times more expensive for one than 3 of these! So I stuck with these because I wanted a few plates and didn't want to spend around 45 dollars for three.

I also purposefully didn't buy any themed plates or ones with pictures because my little man is hyper enough and gets distracted so easily, I didn't want to make feeding time more difficult than it is until he's able to cut down his feeding time.

They're dishwasher safe and BPA free.  The pates have nice deep sides. The plates are made from recycled plastic.

Shape and size:
I like the size of each section and like that it's a "normal" shape unlike the other plates I've seen for toddlers.  I don't know if there's any child psychology or logic related to the hales of some of the plates I've seen, but I was shooting for normal with decent sizes for each section. These fit what I was looking for.

Not Microwave safe:
Now I did not read anything about these being microwave safe, but that's okay with me. I don't keep his food in the plates in the fridge as storage anyways.

Clean up:
So far so good. These are pretty easy to clean. The food comes right off when I clean it after meals. I don't like to let it sit around and dry up on the plate so I have yet to test that issue out. But generally I don't like to let food do that anyways. It's going to make it harder to clean.

How Baby Likes it:
He is doing just fine with these plates. He doesn't have issues keeping the food in the plate, unless he's done eating and tried to turn it upside down. We approve of these plates!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Write About Your Relationship With Food

I have a love-hate relationship with food. It's what I seek comfort in; it's what I use to celebrate with. The consequence of food make me sad and depressed. It's the cause of my weight gain, of my lowered self esteem. But I shouldn't blame food for that.

Food has so many strong emotions attached to it. Food is a blessing and I am blessed to be able to eat whatever I want due to unlimited availability, lack of allergies, good sanitation. I'm not picking up crumbs out of the trash. Food makes me feel grateful. When someone makes something for me it makes me feel loved.

In a way it's also an indicator of socioeconomic standing. What types of food one can afford and eat depends on income. Fresh organic food is more expensive than fast food.

This is not healthy but I cannot say no to food. I love the taste and the textures. Each bite is a different experience. I wish I could politely decline, but knowing I'm missing out on something spectacular makes it difficult.

 I sound like I have an eating disorder. I promise I do not.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Balancing work and family

Being a medical resident isn't easy. Being a medical resident mother isn't easy. Most of the time I miss his firsts. I miss his morning cuddles and kisses, especially since that's when he's in the best mood. I miss his hugs and his play dates. I miss most of his meal times and baths.

Instead I come home as a tired, sleepy momma to a tired, sleepy baby.

If I could quit work for a few years and come back, I would. Unfortunately this is an almost impossible option and it would be much easier on everyone if I tugged along and finished my last almost 1.5 years.

I wish I could have everything and be everything and do everything and life to be exactly the way I want it. But that's not life, that's a dream. A fantasy.

I just hope I can be a good mother and I wish I could have a way of knowing that my Baby bear know that I love him so much and that if I could play with him all day I totally would.

I love you, my Baby.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Fat Momma

I've been struggling to lose my baby weight. Going to the gym, running, cutting calories. nothing seemed to be working. I had hypothyroidism during my pregnancy and it only got much much worse after my delivery. I didn't know that until I did some blood tests a few months ago. Since restarting my thyroid medication, the weight effortlessly melted off, not all of it, but a noticeable difference.

That made me lazy.

And now I feel the pounds slowly piling back on.

To make myself feel better I ate a huge fatty piece of pizza. At 12 AM.

Then I slept right after.

Today I felt like a Turkey. So I ran 4 miles. I have weeks where I run almost every day and then stop and don't go back for weeks to months at a time. I can't say that I'll go back to my super fit and healthy and lean pre pregnancy days; but I definitely don't want to gain it back and have to go through the pain and suffering of losing it again.

I wish I could be like Baby Bear and be a picky eater. Or eat only when I am hungry. And Limit my portion sizes.

Silly boy doesn't realize how good food is.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Daycare Diaries

Dropping Baby Bear off at daycare has been a challenge. As soon as we enter the place he starts sobbing, refusing to let go of me. I hand him over quickly, though, because I know the longer I wait the more he will cry and I will also cry. I feel so guilty walking away as he calls out to me, crying. I stand outside where the monitor is and watch him from outside the room.

He recovers within minutes.

He now knows what to expect when we go to daycare: mommy leaves.

The same thing happens when I come to pick him up. He will be happily playing until he sees me. Thats when the tears start flooding again and he clings on to me until we get near the door. He waves goodbye to everyone and the tears magically stop.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Baby's Birthday Scare

On Friday we celebrated Baby Bear's first birthday. He turned one on Saturday, the 22nd but had a birthday dinner early because my husband was going hunting this weekend. We're not so uptight about birthdays so we decided to celebrate early.

He got his own mini cake with a "1" candle and little dinosaur candles all over it. We closed the lights and sung happy birthday in normal voices because loud voices scare him lol. He's such a cutie.

After his daddy helped him blow out the candles we sit him in his high chair and presented the cake for Baby bear to smash.

He got through the frosting only. Mainly because he looked at his hands in horror after the first offense and began to cry. He was bawling. He didn't like the feel of the frosting. My husband tried to put some Frosting in his mouth to show him it's sweet, but it made things worse. Haha.

What a baby.

Wah wah.

Just kidding I love him so much.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Alpha Hydrox foaming face wash clarifying cleanser

I've been using this face wash on and off for a few months now and wanted to give it a review. The reason why I haven't been using it daily is because I'm lazy and don't wash my face everyday with soap and water. My skin is super low maintenance and I've been taking full advantage of that. Most days I don't wear makeup and I'm too lazy tired to take an extra step before or after work and remove my makeup.

On the back it states that this cleanser is gentle enough to use on the eyes. So I've been paying more attention to my eyes after removing my makeup and washing my face for the past few uses to see if it really does what it states.

How I use it:
I wet my face with water and pour a small amount on to my fingers. I rub it onto my face using circular motions. I start on my cheeks move on to my nose, forehead and chin. Then I massage gently under my eyes and over my eyelids and finally rub the product against my lash line.  I wash with warm water because I do not like cold water. I then pat my face dry and apply a moisturizer right after.

What I liked about this cleanser: 
It really did clean off my eye makeup. After I take off my eyeliner and mascara with an oil based makeup remover pad I wash my face with face wash and usually need to go over my lash line with vitamin E oil on a Q tip to fully remove the residual makeup. I noticed that the Q tip was cleaner when I used this face wash in comparison to others.

My skin felt nice, clean and soft after using this product.

This was really gentle on the eyes and didn't burn them. Some products, including eye makeup removers, have caused significant irritation to my eyes. Even though my skin is not sensitive.

What I don't like:
It says it's a foaming face wash but it didn't foam or create a bubbly lather that I like to see. This is a personal preference. I also feel like it's a bit thick/creamy going on compared to other face washes. However, it did leave my skin feeling moisturized after. So I really shouldn't be complaining.

Would I recommend this to a friend/family?
Definitely! It says what it says it does. It was kind and gentle on my skin while actually cleaning it, not leaving much residue. I will repurchase this bottle once I am out.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Daycare Diaries

We started taking baby boo to daycare last week. I'm working the night float all month {which explains my absence already} and figured this would be a good time to sleep while he goes off and play with other kids.

He always gets excited when he sees other little people and I figured now is a good time to get him out of the house and get some socialization a few times a week. I also thought it was a great time to start because if there should be any problems that I'd have to go and get him, I'd be off work and would be able to pick him up.

Day one was hard for me. He happily jumped into the caregiver's hands and didn't look back. It's better this way, I told myself. Otherwise it would be hard to leave him crying and screaming for me. I'm absent enough as it is.

Day one was the day that he didn't dink a drop of milk all day long and didn't want to eat at all. Since he is not yet one, the daycare doesn't give table food. When he saw the other kids eating table food he refused the pureed baby food. He is a big boy after all. I got so many phone calls that day. They were worried because he didn't eat a thing. But he was happy otherwise.

He'd just scream his head off if anyone did so much as show him a bottle.

But let me tell ya; putting him in daycare made it so easy to transition to table food. I was going too slowly with coarsely mashed foods that he'd gag on because of texture. He likes chewing much better.

Baby boo also decided that he will not drink out of a bottle and was grabbing at other kids's sippy cups. But once he finds out it's milk and not water he tosses it aside. He loves water and we've been giving it to him in a sippy cup. Hopefully this will be a relatively easy transition, too.

He did well overall and I picked him up as he was napping. I just hope that the feeding gets better.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Working Mommy

Yesterday one of my patient's spoke to me about how she feels that she is a bad mother because she is unable to see her child more than a few hours a day. I feel ya sister.

I feel ya.

If I could, I would quit my job and return to residency once my babies are all grown up. If I did that I also know that my chances of getting back into residency and becoming a full fledged doctor are pretty slim.

So I work.

I enjoy working, but I've got a little man on my mind.

So I tell myself what I tell my patient's mother: He knows who his mamma is. He knows your smell, your voice and your touch. You working is the only life he's ever known since you've been working every since he was a few months old. He doesn't know what he's missing and doesn't feel deprived. He's got loving people taking care of him and is in good hands. You're not working for selfish reasons.

I'm not working for selfish reasons. I just don't have a reasonable option at this point.

Just take advantage of every second you have with him and make it worth it.

It's hard balancing work, family, studying, housework etc. I've got a lot of blessings in my life all at one time, but sometimes all of it at once is also hard to manage.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

DIY card book

I keep cards of all shapes and sizes for all occasions. It’s the only thing I hoard. I like the thought of well wishes and seeing reminders that I am loved and thought about. However over the years they’ve begun to take up space- something I don’t have too much of.

I have probably over a hundred cards from my wedding and wedding reception.  Those I keep in a box. When I had my baby shower and baby, I got a ton of cards again. I wanted a way to keep my cards pretty and organized but I didn’t want to waste storage space, so i decided to turn them into a display piece.

I came across a DIY card book on Pinterest. It was pretty and would make a nice decoration piece that I could display. Like I stated before, I had too many cards from around my wedding so  keep those in a box and I’d need at least 3-4 books to get them all together. I had much less cards with my son, so I decided to make a card book out of his.

Here's my version of it. I didn't add initials or anything. I was contemplating adding it by hand because I didn't want to waste a sheet or two of expensive glitter letters if the rest wasn't going to be used anytime in the near future. But I decided against it because my penmanship would ruin the whole thing. So I left it blank and thats how I like it.


I didn’t follow the instructions to a T and I do not have bow to keep the book closed, but I do love the results! I like the touch with the rhinestones. It also didn't take my very long at all once I had everything and actually sat down to do it. I’ll be putting this in his room somewhere.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

"That's the Key"

What is? Where is this key? The key to what?



Is happiness success?  Is success being rich? Is t being at the top at work and better than everyone around you?

What key am I searching for? What do I want the most?

Being content with the way things are no matter what. And if I'm happy with nothing, I am more successful than being unhappy while having everything.

How to be happy? Retail therapy, entertainment - these are short-acting narcotics that give us that short burst and quick high. What happens when I'm lying in bed at night thinking to myself. What are my final thoughts before I doze off to sleep?


baby's up, creative time's over!

Reflection of my writing: Dark and gloomy come to mind when thinking about the mood of this piece. I have a dark and gloomy mind lately with a lot of thoughts that don't have a home. I'll eventually get it all out. 

Sleep Training Conclusion

I think it’s safe to say sleep training has gone well. Baby boo has been doing well with being rocked to sleep. He still gets up around 2:30 AM for a feed, which I am slowly weaning him off.  And I don’t mind getting up once a night because it’s much better than before. When he does get up,  he sits and looks around, makes a few sounds and goes back to sleep. I’m glad he no longer gets terrified waking up at night and finding no one there.

Let’s hope it stays this way. *Fingers crossed*

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Sleep Training: Day 3

Last night I decided to feed him before bed and put him to the crib after he sleeps. He refused the bottle at bedtime, and before my bedtime.

I knew he’d get up at night.

And he did.

At 1:30 am I gave him a full bottle and he slept until 6:45 am. For weaning purposes I should've tried to just give him 4 ounces. Each day is a new learning experience and I'll try that next time. 

Not much to report from last night. He fussed and fumbled around in his crib, but we didn’t have to go in. He was able to put himself back to sleep. He did wake up ready to play pretty early though.

The good news in that he didn’t cry immediately, more like whined a little. He also knew which direction the door was in so he was facing the door, waiting for someone to come in. But he wasn’t traumatized that he was alone or anything.

Overall I got a lot better sleep than the previous two nights. Although I did wake up multiple times due to his sounds I heard through the monitor. He was okay and so was I.

Each subsequent post is getting short and shorter. This may be a good sign.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Sleep training: Day 2

Last night I decided I wouldn’t be within arms reach from the crib. I also decided he shouldn’t eat right before bed so that he doesn’t throw up again. He cried and cried again, but no vomiting. He’ll get tired of crying and standing and eventually fall asleep. He’s safe, I told myself. My husband barged in and swept him up like a Mama Bear and told me he can’t bear to hear him like this.

“Then you get up and night”

“I will”

*eye roll* He does and he will but he also works so much later than I do.

My husband put him to sleep and transferred him the the crib. All the while telling no one in particular how small our baby is and shouldn’t have to cry ever.

He woke up at around 2 am for a bottle because he didn’t eat right before bed. He kept waking up every 45 minutes. Because he normally doesn’t get up that early for a bottle, I didn’t think to feed him. Then I realized he didn’t have his bottle right before bed.

His stomach is small and has always eaten in small amounts frequently, so weaning him off at night completely is a challenge. I gave him half of what he normally takes in order to wean him and he was okay with that.

He woke up again at 6 am to find his pacifier, which my husband attended to because I was so drained from the night before that I couldn’t get up. He slept well and overall, less frequent night time awakenings.  

Progress or a fluke? We will soon find out.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Sleep Training: Day 1

We finally moved my son out of our bedroom and into his own room. He is 1 day shy of 11 months old and since he’s in our room I tend to bring him to the bed in the middle of the night because it’s easier. Plus I like cuddling with my cuddle bug. But ultimately it disrupts everyone’s sleep. His butt is on my husband's face with his hands grabbing at my hair. I have lost so much hair due to trauma caused by his grabby sweet little fingers.

We decided enough is enough. His bedroom isn’t ready but I knew that it would never be ready. And if I waited for it to be ready he would never leave our room. I cleaned out the old room and all that is in there is his dresser, his crib and a basket of toys on the floor. Nothing else besides his clothes in the closet and drawers. I’m hoping that seeing his sad, undecorated room will make me go and buy things and finally decide on a theme.

Anyways, back to the story.

I read a lot on experiences, methods and way to sleep train on the internet. I read that crying it out is brutal but it works the fastest as opposed to soothing your baby for him or her then transferring him or her to the crib once he or she is asleep. I decided to try a mixture of both. It had to be done. And it had to be done tonight.

I bought a camera monitor than pans the room with night vision. I spent too much money on that to not go through with this, I told myself. Tonights’ the night. my mother in law suggested doing this when I don’t have work the next day. I will always have work the next day. There will never be a time when I can do this so I had to jump in and do it. It’ll be a rough few nights but will be worth it in the end, I told myself.

We ate dinner, I gave him a bath, played with his toys, drank milk and read two bedtime story books. I rocked him until he was drowsy and gently transferred him to the crib. He immediately sat up and tried to climb out of the crib. I was near him and within his reach so he was grabbing on to me but I wasn’t picking him up.

It wasn’t pretty. He cried and cried. And then he cried some more. He threw up. My husband couldn’t bear the sounds he heard and rushed over and picked him up. My son threw up on him as well.  My husband decided this was something he couldn’t do and decided that he will put him to sleep in our bed then transfer him. I let him.

My son played and played in our bed with no intention of sleeping. So I took the boy back and let him cry until he fell asleep. But this time I leaned over into the crib until he fell asleep.  He woke up multiple times during the night and cried for his pacifier. I woke up at least 5 times and got about 4 hours of sleep that night.

It’s wasn’t a restful night but I’m hoping the second night will be better.