Sunday, November 30, 2014

Balancing work and family

Being a medical resident isn't easy. Being a medical resident mother isn't easy. Most of the time I miss his firsts. I miss his morning cuddles and kisses, especially since that's when he's in the best mood. I miss his hugs and his play dates. I miss most of his meal times and baths.

Instead I come home as a tired, sleepy momma to a tired, sleepy baby.

If I could quit work for a few years and come back, I would. Unfortunately this is an almost impossible option and it would be much easier on everyone if I tugged along and finished my last almost 1.5 years.

I wish I could have everything and be everything and do everything and life to be exactly the way I want it. But that's not life, that's a dream. A fantasy.

I just hope I can be a good mother and I wish I could have a way of knowing that my Baby bear know that I love him so much and that if I could play with him all day I totally would.

I love you, my Baby.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Fat Momma

I've been struggling to lose my baby weight. Going to the gym, running, cutting calories. nothing seemed to be working. I had hypothyroidism during my pregnancy and it only got much much worse after my delivery. I didn't know that until I did some blood tests a few months ago. Since restarting my thyroid medication, the weight effortlessly melted off, not all of it, but a noticeable difference.

That made me lazy.

And now I feel the pounds slowly piling back on.

To make myself feel better I ate a huge fatty piece of pizza. At 12 AM.

Then I slept right after.

Today I felt like a Turkey. So I ran 4 miles. I have weeks where I run almost every day and then stop and don't go back for weeks to months at a time. I can't say that I'll go back to my super fit and healthy and lean pre pregnancy days; but I definitely don't want to gain it back and have to go through the pain and suffering of losing it again.

I wish I could be like Baby Bear and be a picky eater. Or eat only when I am hungry. And Limit my portion sizes.

Silly boy doesn't realize how good food is.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Daycare Diaries

Dropping Baby Bear off at daycare has been a challenge. As soon as we enter the place he starts sobbing, refusing to let go of me. I hand him over quickly, though, because I know the longer I wait the more he will cry and I will also cry. I feel so guilty walking away as he calls out to me, crying. I stand outside where the monitor is and watch him from outside the room.

He recovers within minutes.

He now knows what to expect when we go to daycare: mommy leaves.

The same thing happens when I come to pick him up. He will be happily playing until he sees me. Thats when the tears start flooding again and he clings on to me until we get near the door. He waves goodbye to everyone and the tears magically stop.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Baby's Birthday Scare

On Friday we celebrated Baby Bear's first birthday. He turned one on Saturday, the 22nd but had a birthday dinner early because my husband was going hunting this weekend. We're not so uptight about birthdays so we decided to celebrate early.

He got his own mini cake with a "1" candle and little dinosaur candles all over it. We closed the lights and sung happy birthday in normal voices because loud voices scare him lol. He's such a cutie.

After his daddy helped him blow out the candles we sit him in his high chair and presented the cake for Baby bear to smash.

He got through the frosting only. Mainly because he looked at his hands in horror after the first offense and began to cry. He was bawling. He didn't like the feel of the frosting. My husband tried to put some Frosting in his mouth to show him it's sweet, but it made things worse. Haha.

What a baby.

Wah wah.

Just kidding I love him so much.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Alpha Hydrox foaming face wash clarifying cleanser

I've been using this face wash on and off for a few months now and wanted to give it a review. The reason why I haven't been using it daily is because I'm lazy and don't wash my face everyday with soap and water. My skin is super low maintenance and I've been taking full advantage of that. Most days I don't wear makeup and I'm too lazy tired to take an extra step before or after work and remove my makeup.

On the back it states that this cleanser is gentle enough to use on the eyes. So I've been paying more attention to my eyes after removing my makeup and washing my face for the past few uses to see if it really does what it states.

How I use it:
I wet my face with water and pour a small amount on to my fingers. I rub it onto my face using circular motions. I start on my cheeks move on to my nose, forehead and chin. Then I massage gently under my eyes and over my eyelids and finally rub the product against my lash line.  I wash with warm water because I do not like cold water. I then pat my face dry and apply a moisturizer right after.

What I liked about this cleanser: 
It really did clean off my eye makeup. After I take off my eyeliner and mascara with an oil based makeup remover pad I wash my face with face wash and usually need to go over my lash line with vitamin E oil on a Q tip to fully remove the residual makeup. I noticed that the Q tip was cleaner when I used this face wash in comparison to others.

My skin felt nice, clean and soft after using this product.

This was really gentle on the eyes and didn't burn them. Some products, including eye makeup removers, have caused significant irritation to my eyes. Even though my skin is not sensitive.

What I don't like:
It says it's a foaming face wash but it didn't foam or create a bubbly lather that I like to see. This is a personal preference. I also feel like it's a bit thick/creamy going on compared to other face washes. However, it did leave my skin feeling moisturized after. So I really shouldn't be complaining.

Would I recommend this to a friend/family?
Definitely! It says what it says it does. It was kind and gentle on my skin while actually cleaning it, not leaving much residue. I will repurchase this bottle once I am out.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Daycare Diaries

We started taking baby boo to daycare last week. I'm working the night float all month {which explains my absence already} and figured this would be a good time to sleep while he goes off and play with other kids.

He always gets excited when he sees other little people and I figured now is a good time to get him out of the house and get some socialization a few times a week. I also thought it was a great time to start because if there should be any problems that I'd have to go and get him, I'd be off work and would be able to pick him up.

Day one was hard for me. He happily jumped into the caregiver's hands and didn't look back. It's better this way, I told myself. Otherwise it would be hard to leave him crying and screaming for me. I'm absent enough as it is.

Day one was the day that he didn't dink a drop of milk all day long and didn't want to eat at all. Since he is not yet one, the daycare doesn't give table food. When he saw the other kids eating table food he refused the pureed baby food. He is a big boy after all. I got so many phone calls that day. They were worried because he didn't eat a thing. But he was happy otherwise.

He'd just scream his head off if anyone did so much as show him a bottle.

But let me tell ya; putting him in daycare made it so easy to transition to table food. I was going too slowly with coarsely mashed foods that he'd gag on because of texture. He likes chewing much better.

Baby boo also decided that he will not drink out of a bottle and was grabbing at other kids's sippy cups. But once he finds out it's milk and not water he tosses it aside. He loves water and we've been giving it to him in a sippy cup. Hopefully this will be a relatively easy transition, too.

He did well overall and I picked him up as he was napping. I just hope that the feeding gets better.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Working Mommy

Yesterday one of my patient's spoke to me about how she feels that she is a bad mother because she is unable to see her child more than a few hours a day. I feel ya sister.

I feel ya.

If I could, I would quit my job and return to residency once my babies are all grown up. If I did that I also know that my chances of getting back into residency and becoming a full fledged doctor are pretty slim.

So I work.

I enjoy working, but I've got a little man on my mind.

So I tell myself what I tell my patient's mother: He knows who his mamma is. He knows your smell, your voice and your touch. You working is the only life he's ever known since you've been working every since he was a few months old. He doesn't know what he's missing and doesn't feel deprived. He's got loving people taking care of him and is in good hands. You're not working for selfish reasons.

I'm not working for selfish reasons. I just don't have a reasonable option at this point.

Just take advantage of every second you have with him and make it worth it.

It's hard balancing work, family, studying, housework etc. I've got a lot of blessings in my life all at one time, but sometimes all of it at once is also hard to manage.